Why the industry hates Uwe Boll

Let me try to wrap this all up by basically explaining how Uwe Boll makes a movie. First, let's make us a template for this movie:


Next, knowing Uwe Boll, there has to be nudity somewhere in the movie, because that's one of the few things that redeems his movie.


But remember, there has to be a plot, so Vampire (or "dhampir" or whatever) Lesbians.


Looking good. So there has to be a guy unfortunately, but let's make him relatively unimportant, and by that I mean barely if ever at all on screen.


But don't worry, we'll have a generically goth setup so it looks serious.


Looking like a Uwe Boll movie already! Now, let's finally add a heroine with magical powers and a mysterious pass who looks basically a little bit better than the rest of the cast, but not good enough to justify all the camera time she gets:





And yep, I'm gonna make a lot of money. But let me get that german tax shelter set up. I mean, I'm not THAT good.

Page 1    Page 2    Page 3