Revolution Controller Revealed!

1. The controller is limiting.

When a game system comes out, one expects to be able to pick it up and play most new games. However, this controller is going to be limiting. Yes, the controller has an additional hook-up for a joystick (More money). Yes, the Revolution has ports for a Gamecube controller (MORE money). But, when I get this system, I want to be able to JUST FREAKING PLAY IT.



2. Lightguns pretty much suck. Gyroscopes do too.

I know it's supposed to recognize your 3D positioning. But let's face it: It's a freaking Light Gun. Now, Lightguns have been around since the NES. I have two of them. Granted, Duck Hunt, Operation Wolf, and all those fun games that allowed you to tear ass with a gun were great. But... recently? Developers hate them. They're an added expense, arcade-y, and generally a waste of time. I've never heard myself think "Wow, I want to play a bunch of glorified Lightgun games" in my life. Granted some of the games may be fun, but... come on.

Adding a Gyroscope is like kicking me in the balls. What if I want to play on the couch? On my bed? Upside down? I've done all three. That's because the game doesnt freaking monitor where I'm sitting. As I type right now, I'm slacking off in my big cheap chair. With a Revolution game, I couldn't do that, I'd have to sit perfectly prim and proper to even play the damn game. Thanks, but no.



3. How the hell will I play the emulated games?

Remember above where I bitched about the number of buttons? Think a second. How in the hell do you play a SNES game? How in the WORLD do you play a Nintendo 64 game? This is a major issue. If the big selling point of the Revolution is going to be emulation of old games, I would EXPECT that they would not hack up the controller so much that half the games were unplayable. Guess I was wrong.

Imagine, for a second, a game like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. How do I move Link? Let's even presume I buy the add-on joystick. I move him with my left hand. On my right, readily accessable, I have two buttons. Just two. So, there we have A and B from the N64 controller- Action and Attack, respectively. Now, I suppose we'll have to use the hard-to-access undercase a and undercase b buttons for L and R. Now, for the replacement of the C-pad, we'll use the even harder to access control pad.

MISSING BUTTONS: Z (You need this) and the WHOLE CONTROL PAD. You should see my issue by now. Even by buying an extra little addon, you're still bending over and taking it up the ass.


4. It's definately not going to be easy to play in any case.

Okay, how many of you, like I, have taken their XBOX/PS2 remote for DVDs and tried to play a game with it?

Okay, now how well did it work? Answer: NOT WELL.

Think about it for a second. When I hold my TV remote in my hand, the only control mechanism I have is my thumb. Not bad, considering it's somewhat the same for games (Though I use different areas on my thumb for different buttons, but whatever). Quick movements are impossible. The buttons are so far apart (I'm referring to A as opposed to a and b) that it requires a stretch to get to them. Genius, Nintendo. As well, to use the control pad, I have to strech way up high. And to add the insult to injury, I have to be moving this complexity all around my room to control my character. Freaking great!

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