Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon

The Mystical Ninja Goemon series has been going on for quite a while off the spotlight for a good 10 years. Originally, the Mystical Ninja series was pretty much based in Japan, because, naturally, the game is very japan-oriented, and generally is aimed at players who understand japanese culture, as opposed to Americans. However, a growing American culture that understands Japanese culture is growing, which is why a lot of these games are popping up.

First of all, I have to say that this game is probably bar none my favorite Nintendo 64 game, only competing with Ocarina of Time for the top spot. When you get down to it, this game is plain assed fun. I'm going to be poking a lot of fun at it in this review, but you have to always keep in the back of your mind that this is a VERY FUN GAME. I don't care that its really, REALLY wierd. I don't care that it has jokes that are a little lame in and of themselves. But, still, some things jump out about this game.


The game starts out when Goemon and Ebismaru are hanging around some stereotypical old Japanese town when something wierd happens: A giant peach from space comes and attacks the local castle.

You think I'm kidding.

I'm not.

Yes, and apparently Goemon and Ebismaru, being typical hero like people, have to go fix it. Goemon is a blue-spiky haired hero who wears bright red ninja-ish clothing and fights with a pipe (Like a pipe you smoke out of, except bigger), where Ebismaru is a fatass with a hammer. Much later, they find out that the people behind it are some sort of elegant dancing thingamajigs who wish to take over the world.

In the quest, you go to such interesing places as the "Ghost Toys Castle" and "Festival Temple Castle" and "Gourmet Subarine Castle". Sounds kinda wierd, does it not? This game is like one big good example of Japanese strangeness at its best. However, like I said above, I had a freaking blast.

A big part of this game is wandering around, but not too much. The levels are huge and can be explored, but they are linear in the sense that I never was really lost. During this exploring, you'll encounter Zelda-ish puzzles like finding out how to get batteries to power a mechanical doll (I'll explain below), finding Silver Lucky Cat-Dolls which increase your health like the Heart Pieces, and the like.



There are two additional characters you get which also make this game more complex: Yae, a green-haired female Ninja with a Katana, and Sasuke, a small robotic doll that can use Kunae (throwing knives). Of course, to power Sasuke, you must find batteries, but Yae kinda comes in the magical nick of time. Naturally, you can switch between them on the fly, and each has his or her own ability to get you through puzzles, much like a Zelda game.

Another interesting part to this game is Goemon's IMPACT. Its a japanese game, so naturally there's gonna be robots- and this game has one hell of a strange robot:

Yes, IMPACT is a giant, ugly, smiling, roller-skating (I'm not kidding on this one: In one line, he claims to be a professional skater in America), Pipe-and-fist-and-ryo wielding robot. In the IMPACT sequences, you will basically be forced into first-person mode, where you fight by punching, kicking, and doing the SUPER LASER ATTACK from your mouth. Again, I'm not kidding.

Remember how I said IMPACT has roller skates? Well, again, I wasnt kidding. Before the first IMPACT fight, you'll be tortured to a scene where you skate to Goemon on a very thin path. Something like this:

You'll basically go roller skating and destroying houses. The more things you destory, the more fuel you get for the fight (Fuel is health). Of course, I thought this was very counter-productive to actually saving the world, but it's a giant smiling robot, what the hell was I gonna expect.

Like I said above, this game is an Adventure Puzzle game like a Zelda game. There will be times when you need to use Sasuke's Ice Kunai, and times when you need to use Goemon's Chain Pipe (Like a hookshot-weapon). There will be times when you can even use Fat Ebismaru's meat-hammer to hit baddies, resulting in health-restorative dumplings.

I feel like I've used too many parentheses in this review, and there's a good reason why: This game is udderly, unhelpably Japanese. Dumplings for health, Lucky Cats for more storage for health, Reed Samurai Armor for protection, the ability to call a big Dragon to ride on, everything is basically Japanese to a fault. You can even throw Ryo (Ryo was a high-worth currency in japan that was literally flat gold about as big as your hand. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Ryo went through some major physical changes on every Dynasty).

This game deserves to be in any Nintendo 64 player's collection, if not just because it is fun. Even now, I think it'd be fun to go and complete the game just because it brings back so many memories of the fun I had with it. Sure, its cheesy. Sure, sometimes I really wonder if I could ever call myself a man playing a smilingly happy, roller skating robot. Sure, the end songs, and especially the homosexually-overtoned game over screen, are stupider than crap. But I had a blast. And you will too.

4 star(s) out of 5

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