7 Sins

It took me a while to think about the genre of this game. On one hand, I was tempted to put it in the all-inclusive "Other" catagory. But thinking (and playing) this game more made me put it in the Adventure catagory. Though, to be honest, comparing this kind of adventure game to a Zelda-ish adventure game is like comparing Leisure Suit Larry to Ultima. Seriously.

This game actually feels a lot like Leisure Suit Larry. As "You" the psuedo-nameless character looking like a cross between Pierce Brosnan and about every arrogant bastard you've ever seen picking up chicks in a bar, you go and complete various "Missions" in the expanse that is Apple City. This can range from the first mission, which is selling things in a department store by flirting with the customers, or the other missions, which pretty much all involve getting girls in the sack. Sounds like fun to me.

And it is. This is taking everything that made Axe Deodorant's Mojo Master fun and turning it into a complete, full-fledged game. And this time, the game is actually not filled with AXE logos. The flirting abilities are simplistic but actually quite harder than you'd think, and I found myself quite a many times "Figuring Out" certain ways to get the women in my life to be attracted to me.



Another difference I found from the Axe games is the girls in this game are actually a little bit more realistically based than the girls in the Axe games. The Axe girls were notably done on a template: Big ass, big b***s, long hair, and just swap out skin color, clothes, and hairstyle. The women in here range from the undesireables (The bosses wife, the ex-prison bitch) to the desireables (I still want that hot coworker). Some, like the ex-prison bitch, scare the bejeezus out of me, which makes me d*** glad this game doesnt have nudity.

The game is almost entirely based on minigames. This makes it have a Mario Party feel, except there isn't a game in Mario Party where you try to look up a girl's skirt. For example, if you're feeling frustrated, a good way to relieve stress is to go piss on a plant. By doing this, the game switches into this little mini-game where you shoot your piss at bugs. I'm not kidding. This makes the game somewhat of a challenge, because if you fail (Such as if you were to fail at the sex minigame), you will be poorly affected in the flirting.

The whole game's "Life System" is based on 5 meters: The Sins counter, Horniness, Depression, Frustration, and the girl's affection meter. So, here's how it works. If I were to sit there and listen to an adequately busted woman, my horniness meter would naturally go up. If I had to listen to her drone on about how good she is, the frustration would go up. And, as you can guess, if some boss/boyfriend catches you fagging around, he'll chew you out, shooting up your depression meter.



The Sins meter is actually pretty innovative. For every one of the 7 sins you commit (Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride) one part of your sins counter appears. Once you reach 7 sins, you cannot commit any more sins. That's obviously pretty unrealistic, because I can commit all 7 in like 10 minutes (Staring at porn, eating till I burst while wiping my ass with money, laying down, yelling at Tom Brokaw, wanting his tie, and saying I'm superior to him), but whatever. To lower the meter, you have to do something good, like washing the dishes, listening to a girl politely, or other things. Naturally, doing these good things shoots up your frustration meter, so it's always a delicate balance.

The thing that gets this game 5 stars is how d*** funny it is. For example, when you "Lose it" (Your Frustration meter maxes out), you actually take someone, shake them, and throw them down, then run like a retarded kid out the door of wherever you are. Half the humor in this game has to be attributed to some of the best animations I've seen in a PC game since The Sims 2. All of the characters have their own unique moves, be them sexy or annoying, and you feel like they actually are talking (They don't, they actually use that stupid Simmish stuff that The Sims is famous for using and abusing). Sometimes the pure expression on "Your" face makes the game a riot.



Yes, parents and Jack Thompson, there is sex and drinking in this game. Duh. However, this game keeps it relatively clean, where I don't feel like I'm a complete heathen for playing this game. There is absolutely no nudity, the most skin you see is in underwear. As well, the Sex minigames are just minigames, and don't involve anything too touchy (For example, for a rear-end attack, you have to trace this figure of a woman lying down. That's all). The game explicitly labels itself as an 18+ game, which I can see as appropriate, but this isn't NEAR the level of pornography one would see in any given Hentai game.

As for the graphics and sound, 7 Sins is actually decent. Whoever did the graphics for developer Monte Cristo should be paid double. The graphics, when totally cranked up, actually are quite better than The Sims 2, which is pretty impressive for a game that has about as much going on as The Sims 2. The levels are decent, not huge, and all contain a huge amount of interactive playthings, be them human or not. The graphics designers made the GENIUS choice to have the background blur out when you're talking to someone, which is actually very aesthetic, and overall gives the game a polished off feel. The sound itself is good, but I kinda wished there would be more than the generic looping background music for each level. I spent like 2 hours in the Suks level screwing around, so I STILL have that godforsaken music in my head.



I'm rewriting this conclusion for two reasons:
1. Other people playing this game didn't have the abrupt love for it I did, and
2. I got tired of playing the game.
Therefore, I have to knock this game down a star. The simple reason for this is that the game in even the last levels presents absolutely nothing new. A one trick pony. Because of that reason and that reason alone, I knock it down a star.

4 star(s) out of 5

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