Mojo Master

An American Dating Simulation. Yes, I said it. People who speak english and use roman characters have developed a game where you virtually date girls. The Japanese market no longer has a grip on the market. The Japanese market will crash. J-List will die. Oh my god everyone get in a bomb shelter.

Not really. Axe, the people with the funky commercials and wierd ads, has sponsored a company in making a free-as-in-beer dating sim toting Axe. Essentially, in the game, you play yourself macking on girls in a virtual environment. The game is in 3D (As opposed to Anime 2D), and really picks up on what you've seen in any typical Axe commercial: Unrealistic hittings-on resulting in womans.

The only real way to describe this way is in watching a typical Axe commercial. All the women are your garden variety beersluts, all who seem perfectly willing to bend over for such charming concepts as bragging you have money. Who said video gaming had to be real? If I walked into a bar and hit on some twentysomething, I'd be thrown out. So I like it how it is.



The game plays pretty much like a mix between Phantasy Star C.A.R.D. Battle (or whatever the hell it's called), and a Japanese dating sim. To woo potential laides, you have to find out what their two personality traits are (In the physical and mental catagories), and flirt with them to make them happy. This really is a trial-and-error system, because it seems like each girl not only likes her specific "Written" attributes, but has some other hidden attributes she likes. They somehow coincide with her "Written" abilities, but... you know what, I don't give a s***.

General guessing in this game is not a good idea. There is absolutely no logic in some choices. "Dark" girls could very well positively react to "Cute" comments. "Earthy" girls could positively react to "Rich" comments. It really makes you sometimes wonder exactly what you're going for. I'm sure there's some simple answer, but I legitimately could not find it. I've done pretty well in the game and gotten pretty far, so I suppose it isn't that important.



Oh yeah, about the above picture- there's a small thing I have to bitch about the game. You have to go through a lengthy, boring tutorial to actually get to the game. I never knew it was necessary to be instructed how to hit on 3D girls. But I was wrong.

Of course, the mass marketing appeal in this game is the Axe sprays, shampoos, and whatnot that you can use. Each different item gives you a bonus of some kind, from offensive bonuses to first-attack bonuses. This makes the game feel even more like some sort of little-kid card battle game, as you want to "Boost" your character before you go into "Battle".

Still, the game is pretty interesting. It's interesting enough to see the cleverly written dialogue, though it's pretty cliche. The girls, while they try to fit into different subgenres, remind me of the typical girls hanging out outside of a Abercrombie and Fitch store. Even the "Dark" girls wear hip huggers and trendy shirts. Because of this, if you have some sort of specific fetish, this game isnt for you. Actually, if you basically have any fetish, this isnt for you. Are you seriously going to play this game for the girls?



So, what's the verdict on this title? I'd say to go for it. It's free, it's interesting, it's promising to have multiplayer (Which could be kinda funny in it's own way), and it's a dating sim that doesnt have underage looking chicks. Keep in mind, though, this is no replacement for real girls (Real girls arent shallow and easy to pick up. Well, actually, nevermind, some are). This is one of those games I would definately pull up on my computer in a all-guys dorm room or something, it definately would be funny to see friends be turned down by a computer.



But remember. They're 3D. They don't have real b***s. It's no fun if they don't.

4 star(s) out of 5

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