Captain Planet

This game might win the award for being the most unbalanced, unforgiving, unfun, corny game in all existance. In fact, this just might be the worst NES game I've EVER played.



I mean, think about it. The show Captain Planet was basically one big advertisement for green hippies all over the world. Unfortunately, I watched it for a good portion of my childhood- well, two years worth of it. I'm glad it didnt affect me. I'm REALLY glad I never saw this.



Blah blah, the black haired woman known as "Gaia" apparently wants me to go stop this mean guy from doing something. This could be a death cult and that guy could be a good pastor with an ugly face, it doesnt explain anything. All you know is, he's bad.


Okay, now to the game itself. This is all I got through: The first level. Why, you ask? Because its HARDER THAN HELL. Playing this game is like giving a kid in a wheelchair a treadmill for Christmas- it's that cruel and unforgiving. Its almost like this game purposely wants that bad guy to win. I don't blame him, nuke the whales. At this point, if the apex of the world is a few kids who have a crappy gun and go around with 1-hit deaths, I figure we're all screwed anyway.


Also, note that whoever you're going against must have a LOT of cash, because he can afford mini-fortresses, little things that look like the walkers from Star Wars, planes, rockets, helicopters, cannons, and about everything else in the sky. Why he doesnt just kill the kids after they get out of the plane is beyond me.

Also note that the little yellow plane crap you fly is equipped with some form of gun. Now, excuse me, but arent these planeteers supposed to be like the Superman version of Greenpeace? Why are they strapping on some sort of gun to the front of their ship?

I'm just gonna ignore that for now.



You'll be seeing this screen a lot. Its the Game Over screen. If you lose, the Planet dies. Of course, this is pretty inevitable. Why Gaia decided to send a few teenagers to save the planet as opposed to like a whole army, I think she pretty much signed the Earth off as one big mess-up.



Overall, I give this game the mushroom. Its so bad, if you see it in a used game store, just smash the thing and do a potential buyer a favor. Its horrible. I feel more screwed than the small wimpy guy who got the "Heart" ring whereas all the other cool guys got the rings that do something cool, like set crap on fire.

0 star(s) out of 5

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