Furcadia

There's few times in my life when I can say something is going to make me cry and it almost does. Sometimes I'm talking about getting maced. But sometimes, in a very rare situation, I'm talking about video gaming. This is that kind of game.

Furcadia is essentially a MMORPG where you do nothing but have a furry avatar and run around interacting with other furries. Translation? Furries are people who have a sick obsession with animals to the point they want to BE an animal. Thus, they come up with little bastardized humanized characters that are canine/feline/equine/etc and run around pretending to be them. Sound disturbing? It is.

Of course, in most online circles, the term "Furry" makes everyone laugh, which is why I had a hard time starting the game: I was laughing so hard at this:



Continuing on, you get a screen filled with little options where you make, yes, your Furry. In this, you get to choose your "Race" (What kind of animal you're ripping off, be it a cat, dog, horse, bunny, rat, or dragon or the like) and your colors (Which, strangely, is only maybe 15 colors per item with about 8 different things to change, which is a lot of colors but I never thought piss-green was a good color from the start). All of this is nice to play with, but when you realize all of it has no bearing on what you do on the game (And the fact that some servers on the game will auto-switch you), it means very little.

Regardless, as a joke and as a style, I decided to name myself Harbl the Uncut.



As you can tell, the game's developers thought about everything except for graphics. This game reminds me a TON of those freeware games back in the early 90's where the graphics were all made on MS paint and the animations sucked. Oh wait, that's what this is, except it's the mid '00s.



To top this off, Furcadia is isometric, so it has piss-poor controls. The arrow keys on it are VERY difficult to use, and the game recommends you use the numpad 7,9,1, and 3 keys instead. Sorry, but that's a hard-ass control system for such a dumbass game. Thankfully it has mouse support, but you have to hold the mouse button down to walk, which is odd on it's own anyway.

Okay, now to the meat of the game, which is scarcely present. The whole game, naturally, is a Furry RP game, which essentially means you get dips*** profiles like this:



Naturally, this stuff made me laugh all the time. Some even went so far as to have links to their Geocities sites with more profile on the link, but that just freaked me out more than anything. So, I came up with an interesting profile, and I got this response:



What was the profile?



I think they missed the point.



Then, there's one more thing before this game gets it's verdict. Just to add icing to the already s***ty cake, there's a rated R section.



I really thought hard if I was gonna add this to the review and make fun of it, but nah. It's just so freaking sickening that I just will leave it alone. If you thought pictures of dead people online was bad, you haven't seen the worst: Furry RP rooms with horny 20 year old guys cybering with fat 17 year old girls who pretend to be cats. Ewwwwwww.

Overall, Furcadia is horrible. I would much rather stick electric needles in my eyes and sit there for the rest of my life than play Furcadia. Actually, I would rather DIE than play Furcadia again. Right now, as I type this, Furcadia is uninstalling, and I'm not going to ever, ever, ever re-download it or even touch it for as long as I live. You can take that to the bank, cash it, and then go beat up a skinny furry for me.

0 star(s) out of 5

Discuss More PC Games More Other Games