Final Fantasy X-2

Okay, you are the director and/or creative licencee of Squaresoft. Squaresoft is doing poorly in the ratings ever since, suprise suprise, people realize that they've fired Uematsu and other geniuses and you need to put something out before Final Fantasy 11 hits store shelves. What do you do?

Apparently, you mix Victoria's Secret and Final Fantasy. Like mixing Vodka and Coke, this sounds somewhat like a good idea. After all, face it: Most gamers are guys, and we (according to recent gallup polls) like hot women "And b***ies!". Then again, like mixing Vodka and Coke, it tastes good till you drink too much of it, get drunk, curiously lose your pants (TuckerMax), and run around with your shlong hanging out puking all over the floor.

Final Fantasy X-2 basically rapes the hell out of the Final Fantasy 10 storyline. In the FF10 storyline, without giving any hints or spoilers, something dramatic and unexpected happens. Tidus dissapears at the end, leaving Yuna alone. Dun dun.



So Final Fantasy X-2 ruins that beautiful and unexpected ending by making it where Yuna finds that Tidus might just be alive. Ignoring the fact that this is basically pissing all over the original storyline, this isnt too bad. After all, just like when Aeris was killed in FF7, the end of FF10 basically made one big gamer chorus of "NOOOOOOOOO". So, I guess this was expected, but this was just stupid.

Final Fantasy X-2 ladens on the horrific Victoria's Secret style by coming up with a new battle system: The Dress Spheres. Kinda a mix of the Job Classes from lots of RPGs and basically any hentai game in the last 5 years, you chose what the girls wear, and that in turn changes their abilities, as well as power, and the like. For example, the warrior dress sphere changes them into a warrior with a sword (Ironically Yuna has Tidus' sword), and the Gunner dress sphere changes them into girls with Guns (Well, literal guns and figurative guns. Hot.). Of course, with every dress sphere change its gratuitous, and NATURALLY the dress spheres basically constitute little shreds of clothing. Because that's cool.

See, I can't argue TOO much about the sexuality in this game, mainly because it's somewhat fun to watch. Granted this isnt something I'd go get all hot and bothered over (Mainly because this is a DAMN VIDEO GAME), but it is nice to see a change from the typical love style that went on in most Squaresoft games.



My real bitch about this game is sadly a big one. The game doesnt feel so much like an RPG, as it doesnt really feel like anything. You start out with the airship, go wherever you want, complete missions, and the like. Somewhat like Grand Theft Auto there is a percentage meter, and depending on how much of the game you complete, the ending changes. Good, but then again I'm not getting happy about it. Plus, the battle system feels cheesy and bad, I never really felt like I was doing good or bad in it. The ability to dynamically change dress spheres is nice, but even the quick change tends to take forever, and it makes me just wanna stick with one and pummel the s*** out of whatever comes my way.

Also, the storyline just doesnt feel right. Maybe its because I feel like it's raping FFX, but it just feels like an addon (Suprise suprise.). If Squaresoft was going to do a decent game like this, for the love of god, make a whole new world to explore, at least. Using an existing franchise for extra sequels is cheesy, and this game seems to have convinced them that's the fun thing to do, which is a problem in my eyes.



When it's all said and done, FFX-2 really isnt worth the cash unless you absolutely honestly must have the sequel to FFX, which is dumb. If you completed 10 and love the game, you might not like this as much as you might think. However, if you're desperate for an RPG (Or pixellated breasts), I suppose this might be the game to get. Just be wary.

2 star(s) out of 5

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