Jurrasic Park

You know how everyone just positively loves movie games and wants to snatch them up at the slightest demand? No, me either. Movie games positively blow, no matter how hard you try. Movie games on the NES blew. Movie games on the N64 blew. Movie games on the SNES blew, and this is one good example.

I remember playing this game back when I was in Germany begging for some hardcore gaming, and even THEN I thought this game blew ass. First off, you, for the most part, take a third person view of the world which doesnt look too bad for the SNES:


I mean, that looks like s***ty grass and its somewhat cheaply done, but it looks good for what it's doing. Too bad it doesnt play that way. BIG ISSUE NUMBER ONE: The main character, Alan, moves like a tank. No, not like a tank like he's slow, but that's one problem. He moves like a tank because he basically can't move effectively. Turning is a pain in the ass, so obviously AIMING is a BIG pain in the ass, and being as the enemies are on a nice multidirectional pathway while you're stuck trying to walk your way in one of eight horrible directions, you'll get your ass kicked.

Issue number two is very obvious by this screenshot:

Now, unless you're blind, you'll notice that I can't freakin see. That wouldnt be a problem... if they PAUSED IT. So essentially, you're sitting there with this big screen up (Which, I might add, you can't remove) for five seconds while possible enemies essentially gang rape you. Oh, and don't think those messages have anything more than

"Watch out!"

in them, in fancier words. I'm sorry, this was why Zelda had signs: so you didnt have to read stupid directions if you didn't want to. This is a perfect example of horrible GUIs in action.


Now, let's move on to the whole second engine in the game: the first person engine. Yes, instead of letting you crawl around in third person all the time, they made a 3D Doom-like engine instead. But wait! Doom on the Super Nintendo was nice and easy to control. With this, you're walking STILL feeling like a tank, but this time in the choppy third dimension.

Oh, and I might note in the third dimension, you will be fighting enemies. Don't worry, of course your lack of aiming skills comes in hand here. However, in this way, you can always cheat: Enemies don't "React" to you unless you get so close to them, making sniping even with the shotgun a breeze. Then again, it's still hard, because you can't tell if you're hitting some sort of bastardized Dinosaur or you're shooting the cabinet. True story.

Oh, and expect a lot of "DUH HUH" kinda stuff out of this game. Instead of giving you puzzles to solve, the game basically hands you your game on a dinner platter:

"You need _____'s key to pass here"

OK, so now I know exactly what key I need. Werent there some other people in the complex? Why give ONLY HIM his own room? Speaking of which, shouldnt there be a lot of.. you know, bodies around here? I'm sure manning a huge Jurassic Park complex requires a lot of management positions, or at least guys scooping up the Velcoraptor crap, where did they dissapear to?

When it all boils down to it, this game is more nostalgia for me than a good game. Actually, don't even waste your time with this game, even as a joke. This is an excellent example of why Movie games have ALWAYS sucked, even on a comparably awesome system like the Super Nintendo. However, I will note that it (barely) is saved from a true 5 mushroom rating because it looks nice in third person mode, it IS playable if you just "Sit down and do it", and it is a rather long, hard game. Feel lucky, designers. I saved you from my worst rating.

1 star(s) out of 5

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