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The Ultimate Games to get this Christmasby Kirk, 2005-11-19 |
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Okay, everyone has done a "Games to Get this Christmas", from Gamespy to.... other gaming websites like Gamespy. Well, screw them. Anyone looking at them knows at least one of the following facts:
1. Gamespy would hype a game where you sat and watched paint dry if they got paid enough to do so. 2. Gamespy just basically goes to Amazon.com and picks the "Top Sellers" for video games and compiles them into a list, and 3. Gamespy really f***ing needs a new design. Even Gametrash looks better, and that's sad. So this leads us to the Official Buyer's guide for Video Games for this Christmas Season, 2005. We all know that Video Games are basically all that's going to be on your list. Only pussies ask for anything else. Oh yeah, and the Christmas season is the ONLY season where the games don't abjectly suck, so if you want any good games, this is the time to get them. So, our list. We'll be comparing Gamespy's top 3 choices for each console with a better game, movie, or thingamajig that kicks it's ass. -------------------------------------------------------- THE XBOX -------------------------------------------------------- THEIR CHOICE: NINJA GAIDEN BLACK (29.99)  Expanding on the grueling and action-packed game by Team Ninja, this new edition of Ninja Gaiden (which is rumored to be called Ninja Gaiden Black) is a complete edition of the game, with the two Hurricane Pack downloadable add-ons included in the package for more sword-slicing, wall-running, shuriken-throwing action than you can handle. OUR CHOICE: JEWSHRUKENS (Like $2 worth of aluminum foil)  Wanna act like a ninja? Put a T-shirt over your head, put on one of those black skullcaps, and pretend you're Elijah, the Ninjew. Use such weapons as the JEWSHRUKENS, the JEWTROPS, and the JEWSWORD. Sold seperately, all kosher. THEIR CHOICE: GRAND THEFT AUTO SAN ANDREAS ($90.00, I s*** you not, check Amazon.com)  This time around, developer Rockstar North and publisher Rockstar take players to San Andreas, California. The choice of San Andreas goes back to the original 2D game Grand Theft Auto, which featured a three-stage structure, offering the levels Liberty City, Vice City and San Andreas. San Andreas was the second area players moved to as they progressed through the quest. OUR CHOICE: A DVD OF COPS ($7.50)  Do you like watching black people steal stuff, kill people, and yell at each other? Save yourself the time of getting 100% on Grand Theft Auto and just get a COPS DVD. Watch exciting chases and stuff. And the great thing is, sometimes they leave the camera on too long and you get to see a little "Police Discipline". Unruly bastards. -------------------------------------------------------- THE XBOX 360 -------------------------------------------------------- THEIR CHOICE: PERFECT DARK ZERO ($60.00)  The Xbox 360 prequel to Rare's Nintendo 64 hit, Perfect Dark. Players once again slip into the role of Joanna Dark and fight their way through a twisting sci-fi storyline. The franchise's staple multiplayer mode returns, this time with full online support. OUR CHOICE: THE AVENGERS DVD SET ($35.00)  Emma Peel = Joanna Dark? Not close, but d*** close enough. With a bonus of $25 in pocket, I'll imagine red hair on her. A lot, LOT cheaper. Plus you don't need, like, the 360 and s***. THEIR CHOICE: PROJECT GOTHAM RACING 3 ($50.00)  The popular PGR franchise zooms onto the Xbox 360, expanding many of the Project Gotham Racing features that gamers have grown to love. PGR 3 creates the ultimate roster of the hottest supercars in existence, introduces them to the high-definition era, and drops them into a completely new gaming world, where style rules the road. OUR CHOICE: BATMAN BEGINS DVD SET ($20.00)  Gotham City. Close enough. Again, I'll imagine with that extra $30.
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