Greg Norman's Golf Power

It's been a while since I've reviewed a game on the NES. There's a reason for that- I can only take this kind of s*** so much before I just lose my d*** mind. I go crazy, folks. And playing a game named "Greg Norman's Golf Power" isn't very theraputic. It's d*** nerve racking.

Okay, we all at one point got a video game from a relative that just sucked. It happens. In fact, if my geeky trivia-based brain serves me right, there was a whole Simpsons episode where Bart got a stupid looking cheesy golf game. I remember thinking at the time "No, that type of game doesn't exist". I was wrong. DEAD wrong.



Greg Norman is supposively some sort of Golf guy, I have absolutely no clue, nor do I care to type it into Google. For the rest of this review, we'll just consider Greg Norman a compilation of all the Ns in my head right now:
- Newman's Own Salad Dressing
- Norman Rockwell
- Nielson Normal Surveys
- Issac Newton

Who plays golf.



Okay, so I skipped a bunch of menus here, but here's the basics: There are no alternate courses, or even alternate golfers, so far as I know. You just select the number of players, putting or green practice (There is no "Normal" play, just practice...), and other miscellany. In general, though, this really harkens back to the days when you had ONE choice of play and ONE choice of sprites and you just dealt with it.

I really don't miss those days.



Upon playing, you're granted with this STUNNING HARDCORE 3D! Unfortunately, you have only two modes of movement here:

- Moving your angle, and
- Hitting the s*** out of the ball

However, the latter never happens. Like all golf games that like to be annoying, you have to deal with the "Slider" type of hitting technique, which is never actually easy to get anywhere near spot on, so you might as well accept to plan to shank it into the general direction it should go. But that's with all Golf video games.

Please note it took me 15 shots to even get it off the tee.



The putting isnt much different, except you can't shank it, you can just knock the s*** out of it. The hole sometimes just doesnt want to take the ball, and it didn't dawn on me those little black things were arrows instead of crappy textures. Just like any god-fearing annoying putting sim, it will take you at least 10 hits to get it in. And you will get mad.



This game apparently has the same opinion of my golf as I do of it. This game is absolutely horrible, and Greg Norman/Newton/Newman/Noland/Newegg should sue whoever came up with this idea. If he came up with it himself, then.... yeah.

Kill yourself.

0 star(s) out of 5

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