An open letter to G4

Dear G4, Tech TV, G4TechTV, or whatever you are today,

Recently, I decided to sit down and watch "Fastlane" your excuse for a drama. I would have never expected the same channel that brings me old Arcade game shows and a show where people review video games to do a cop-racing esque drama, but apparently I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Apparently, you guys seem to think that I want to watch something that would even be rejected on MTV. "They're not the best cops, but the best looking?". What is this, the Style network? Look at yourself, G4. The best looking girl you have on your channel that actually works for you is probably Tina Wood, and she seems to know as much about actual gaming as I know about dating (Hint: Not much). The other girls you have on the other shows are pretty beautiful in their own respects, but let's remember that for each one of them, beauty is direct adverse to how much they know about the subject.

Okay, now let's look at the guys for a second. If you need a good example of why Fastlane's theme doesn't fit with your show, look at Adam Sessler, probably the most childish yet funniest person on your channel. Do I ever expect someone like him to be in a hot shiny car that looks like it was ripped from Need for Speed Underground? No, he's the kinda guy I expect in the back of EB Games clutching a figurine of Yuna from Final Fantasy X-2 crying to himself because he doesn't have the money to afford it.

Now my comments on the actual show. Keep in mind that I actually 100% hate your joke of "Street Fury". Last time I checked, 99.9% of gamers didn't give a rat's ass about spinners and girls with baloon butts. Seriously, you guys have gone to E3 plenty now, do you think a single person there would be interested, or even AFFORD, a "Pimped out ride"? Most of the people at E3 waste their cash on bigscreen plasmas so they can watch their Anime in high-definition, not on spinners for a Cadillac Escalade.

So, I watch this show and think to myself one thing: What the hell? What does this have to do with gaming? What does this have to do with technology at all? Why do I have to watch people who look better than me doing things that I can't afford to do and screwing girls that I couldn't even talk to? If I wanted to do that, I'd go watch some Abercrombie and Fitch zombie on MTV, not G4. When I turn on G4, I expect one of the following:

- Game stuff (No way! A Gaming channel talking about video games?)
- Something about Anime (You're doing fine so far with this.)
- Something about Technology (You know, the stuff we care about).

Stuff I don't expect to see but I see anyway:

- Some guy running around looking at spinners and overbotoxed women.
- A drama about cops who drive fancy cars and have perfect 6 packs.
- Kristin Holt desperately trying to play off the fact that her porn movie is all over the internet.

See what I mean? You guys have some great shows. Cinematech, X-Play, Judgement Day... you know, stuff that actually relates to games. I'll even say that I'm warming up to Anime Unleashed and Cinematech: Nocturnal Emissions. However, for the love of god, please learn that gamers are NOT cool, hip gangsters driving pimped out 350Zs and hitting on good looking women. Actually, we sit in our houses eating Doritos, obsessing over Aeris, ranting on an anime forum, and the closest we've ever gotten to a girl is our own mothers.

Thanks for your time,

Kirk from Gametrash.com